The Medicine of Embodiment Amidst Pain

Countless unposted posts have been written on my heart and soul since August 19th, 2022: my 37th birthday and our beautiful son Teddy’s transition day. I was 15 weeks plus one day along in my pregnancy with Teddy when I miscarried.

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Reflecting now on the last six months, I can see and feel how this experience has etched, carved, excavated and irreversibly transformed me. It is a beautiful thing. It is heartbreaking. This loss is part of my story that I didn’t and couldn’t plan for, but I am blown away by my presence, healing and integration of what happened. I’m proud of how I’ve let myself be cared for and tended to – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I’m proud of how I’ve surrendered over and over again. I’m in awe of how my years of personal work with Feminine energy helped me – how it rushed in to hold, inspire and guide me… how it pulsed quietly, ever-flowing. How it’s still right there in all of these ways.

On the heels of a full moon in Leo, I share all of this from my heart not to boast, but to perhaps give someone out there reading permission to acknowledge and celebrate the magnitude of their courage.  

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This Friday, February 10th, my brother and two dear friends’ birthdays, was my projected due date. It doesn’t feel heavy for me. It would be okay if it did, but it doesn’t. I smile as I write this… I breathe…my cheeks are rosy and warm. That said, revisiting and adding pictures from many moons ago does trigger emotion and sensation – as does the thought of hitting “publish.” *Full body stretch.*

Teddy Van Vo was loved, he is loved and he’s forever in our hearts. His story, exactly as it is, is one I will cherish and honor. 

More reflections, musings and lessons are to follow here as I know there’s power in sharing stories and I know that my work in the world is meant to be influenced by my journey with Teddy. There are several aspects of my experience that I’m confident others could benefit from hearing. For today (and arguably all days): May we know (remember) the medicine of embodiment amidst pain. I’m grateful for the community of women who held infinite space for me do this – through their physical presence or their writing:

  • My Mama – the Libra sun to my Libra moon
  • My Mother-in-Law – fierce bringer of “you rest and stay warm” energy
  • My Bestie Sarah – doula, future-midwife, intuitive, Italian chef extraordinaire  

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1 thought on “The Medicine of Embodiment Amidst Pain”

  1. Your words are raw, beautiful, & calming. Friends, family, Thomas & Teddy that get to experience your gift of love are so extremely fortunate. As your momma I can’t express how honored I am.

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